A passion so deep it was consuming and endless, then suddenly what was an outpouring of intense excitement is now a few dripples. A feeling once thought of as unending can, in some cases, seem to fade out or go away completely. The obstacles of children, work, and life, along with an abundance of excuses, often seem comfortable as the years go by.
Life is stressful and is quickly devouring the drive of your libido. Dry spells exist in a marriage after years together, and although unpredictable can indicate the beginnings of an issue that needs attention.
I am witness to both perspectives, from a man who suffered from affection to a woman’s unsatisfied sex drive. These problems that lie in wait can bring light issues you never thought could appear from depression to rejection. Is it just a phase? Can you get passed them, or is it time to call it quits?
An overwhelming drive home from work can tire anyone out. The financial aspects of a marriage and children running a muck can keep you bogged down. Your mind is elsewhere, and even at night, cannot find the way to your lovers’ arms, and if you do manage the task, are you thinking more about yourself than her?
- Coming back to reality. As life becomes overpowering, it can affect the time frames for a much-needed get-together. Sleeping when she is free, and she is busy when you are not. Meet in the middle, find a compromise that suits both of your needs, and deals with the practicalities involved.
- Be a man! Do not just be roommates; step out of your rut. Find debonair ways in which to show her how important she is. Bring back the romance and work with the energy you have. Buy her a present or bring her a rose, a spark cannot be lit without an attempt. Be a giver in ways she least suspects; it can lift her self-esteem.
- A walk to remember. Sometimes all you need is a calm notion and a quiet moment to really see her. If love has not evaporated completely from the marriage, chances are you just need a little refresher. Always be vocal in telling her how you feel and show her what she means to you.
Dealing with kids at a different pace than your partner can spin you into a world of your own. With shopping lists and laundry, adding up can give any woman a headache. So, when it comes to being sexy for your man, I know just the thought can be exhausting. However, no one likes rejection; this can create a different problem, which may lead to divorce.
- So many things, such little time. Some women can make time for everything and everyone but their husbands who can feel a bit alienated. Do not neglect the person who you started this life with and help each other with time management, especially when it comes to sex. Do you have just enough time for a quickie, or can you take time to explore the land?
- The one thing on your mind. At night wives winddown with the prospect of tomorrow always in their head, not realizing their partner’s concerns at all. In most sexless marriages, the attraction has gone or is an enigma to be found under a weary look. Examine what is crucial to bring back some sex appeal. Give a little and take a little, evenly on the mind, and love cannot be far behind.
- Shove the slippers for lingerie. Dress up occasionally, give him something to think about. Show him you are still the one who rocks his world. Change up your normal habits and surprise him with looking fabulous because you are. Anyone who can deal with so much and still be sexy at the end of the day or week is a wonder woman!
Discovering us yet again can be a daunting prospect. Both sides of the pendulum can be dangerous, from wanting too much sex to not wanting it at all. It is frustrating on both sides when that look or touch does not come at the right time. Make a connection that is effortless for intimacy before you start seeing things differently. Some relationships strive on physical touch, and some survive on comfort, decide what your connection needs to move beyond obstacles that, in many ways, are trivial.
- A resuscitation is needed to survive. Do not let the passion once die to be dead. When it comes to saving a life, we fight, but not so much for love and sex in marriage. We sometimes seem to give up faster and call it quits after a few unfortunate episodes without really getting to the bottom of things.
- Meet me on the bridge. Talk to each other; the simplest of tasks is communication. What might seem uncomfortable to talk about at first can turn into a revelation. Finding out where you stand in the relationship can make it easier for things to move along. Always show concern for your partner’s needs before your own. Once things are out in the open, love will soon follow.
- See Me, hear me, love me. A true look into each other’s complaints will help find your way back to the embrace, which started a world of magic. You may know what they needed years ago but explore the person that they are now. Couples grow and need change, that’s life. Feel your way through the challenges, and the rewards will always be sweeter in the end.
The time you spend taking extra measures to make sure you are measuring up will pay off. I always try to put my husband’s needs before mine, and I find in doing that, I get what I need in return—taking time for date nights with candles and cuddling, not resentment and heartache.
Not every marital relationship is going to be the same. If you know love is not there, be honest with yourself most of all. Some difficulties can be hard to resolve, and if things are not salvageable, look to put your time into someone who is. Finding that desire which may have been lost is a treasure worth discovering.
