Where is the Love? Exploring Elements of Self Compassion

Why would anybody NOT have self-compassion? Why is it sometimes so much easier to shower others with compassion? When did self-compassion go out of style?

In this article, we will make an effort to answer some of those questions as we approach the subject of self-compassion and why it is sometimes difficult. 

Why don’t I love me?

Let’s start by briefly touching on 3 elements connected to self-compassion. I challenge you to explore each one with an open mind. 

1. Embrace your self-worth

At first glance, you might think, well, of course, I have self-worth. After all, I am a successful, law-abiding citizen. I value my contributions to my family, friends, and career. But, self-worth goes so much deeper than that. Do you value who you are as an individual? How do you relate to your perceived flaws? Do you believe you are worthy of compassion, not only from others but first and foremost from yourself? 

The funny thing is, there is no guilt or shame in caring for others because they are worth it. They deserve it! Our children, our mates, even our pets all seem to be worth so much more compassion. But oftentimes, that does not hold true for self-compassion. Subconsciously there is a feeling of not being worth it. Why is that? Where did it come from? Now is the time to LET IT GO!

So when did self-compassion go out of style anyway? When did it become dispensable, unnecessary? The truth of the matter is, self-compassion never goes out of style. It is of the utmost importance! The deeper we love ourselves, the more capacity we have to love others. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. That includes parents, children, mates, siblings, and friends. And, don’t worry about being selfish or conceited or any of those other crazy notions. Have you noticed the suicide rate lately? The youth of today need to learn the importance of self-compassion. And, we have an obligation to demonstrate for them what real self-love looks like. Acknowledge and boldly embrace your self-worth! 

2. Forgive, forgive, forgive

Oftentimes the lack of self-worth is deeply rooted in an inability to forgive and requires a little extra inner work to rectify, but it is so worth the effort. It is important to move past childhood adverse events and failed relationships. We have all made mistakes in life, some we would really like to forget.

However, holding on to past failures and faults blocks the flow of self-compassion. It also blocks the flow of compassion for others. Life is all about learning and growing and loving.

We need not be perfect to warrant self-compassion. Perfection is not necessary or possible. Forgive yourself and find something new to LOVE about you today and every day.

3. Lighten up a little!

Stop taking yourself and others so seriously. Take a lighter approach to life. Ask yourself will it matter in 5 or 10 years. In most cases, it won’t even matter next month or next week. Life is fleeting. Kids grow up, parents age, and transition; friends come and go. There’s no time to hold on to negative thoughts and emotions. Lighten up and live life to the fullest. In my book, “Think on These Things” – Day 94, I talk about laughter being the best medicine at any age! Unless we can continue to laugh in the midst of disappointments, setbacks, and trials, life will hold little joy for us. We must love ourselves despite the adversities. We should laugh at 90 as we did at 9, and love it! Why take life so seriously? The older we get, the more there is to laugh about. So look life square in the face, love yourself —and LAUGH at your mistakes. I promise you will live a lighter, healthier life.

Now for self-care… 

Self-compassion and self-care go hand in hand. Take some time to review the elements above. Give yourself a rating on self-worth and forgiveness. Practice living a little lighter–on purpose. And then venture into self-care. I trust this article has helped you to realize the importance of self-compassion. Now it is time to prove it by incorporating some self-care into your daily life.

Manage your time in such a way that self-care is a priority. Set up a morning routine that nourishes you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You will love it, and so will those around you. 

Consider & Connect

Regardless of your beliefs, you are here on this earth for a reason. There are no mistakes in that regard. You have been given the precious gift of life, and it is not by accident. Now, what will you do?

When you remove the obstacles and the mental blockages, you will realize that love has always been there. It is all around us and inside of us for a reason. Let it flow freely through every aspect of your life.

Simply invite it into your body, your home, your workplace, and your state of mind. The love is here—it is there—it is EVERYWHERE. Connect to it!