The anatomy and physiology of men and women are completely opposite. So does it mean that their experience of sexuality is also different? Let’s hear it from the certified sexologist and sex educator Suzannah Weiss.
How are arousals different for men and women?
For many years, the notion has been that men are visual beings who are more sexually aroused by visual stimuli. Many magazines like Playboy have been using this knowledge to target the male audience. But is it, in fact, true or just a myth? To this Suzannah has to say, “If you look at most mainstream porn, it is usually geared towards men. And not just porn; the entire visual media is geared towards men, so you can say that men are more visually aroused. A lot of women are aroused by audio and written erotica instead. There could be biological or cultural reasons behind it.”
Hmmm…, that’s why in F.R.I.E.N.D.S., Joey and Chandler preferred porn while Rachel enjoyed an erotic book in her free time.
Does porn arouse them differently because there are not many options for porn for females?
Two-three years back, the whole porn industry was focused only on men. But now, if you visit any porn website, you can see a category “For her.” Does this imply that porn works differently on men and women? And people in the industry are realizing it now and, therefore, involving porn for females on their website to reach a wider audience? Well, Suzannah says, “Biologically speaking, there is not much difference in how porn arouses men and women. But many mainstream porn actresses are degraded and dominated, and there is not a lot of genuine female pleasure shown. So when it comes to female-friendly porn, a lot of it is just porn where the women are pleased and are being treated well. So it’s not necessarily because the women’s arousal system works differently. It is just like here is a video that doesn’t make you feel like an object.”
The difference between male and female orgasms and wet dreams.
Let’s be real. Orgasms are nothing but an outburst of hormones. And because the physiology of men and women is worlds apart, so are their hormones. Does it mean that we experience orgasms differently? Suzannah says, “There was a study where people wrote descriptions of what orgasms feel like, and the terms for the body parts were edited out, and then the people had to guess whether it was a man or a woman. And people weren’t actually able to guess, suggesting that the subjective experience is similar.”
She continued, “Women tend to report multiple orgasms frequently, although most women can’t have rapid-fire orgasms like one after the other. Usually, it’s like a few per session, and men can have that too.”
Talking about wet dreams or sleep orgasms, Suzannah said, “Sleep orgasms or wet dreams can happen to both men and women. Men are more likely to notice it, but there are definitely women who also report experiencing that.”
I think one of the reasons why men report more sleep orgasms than women is because, for women, there is no sure way of telling if they had an orgasm once they woke up. In men, ejaculation is associated with orgasm. But vaginal lubrication is not certain evidence of it.
