At the beginning of a relationship, almost every couple only dreams of hiding and indulging in sexual pleasures. Still, after several years, their passion often passes away. People can lay down together and fall asleep every night and not even think about having sex. Full-fledge relationships become platonic, and this situation is quite disturbing.
Is it possible to increase the diminished degree of sexual desire in couples who have been living together for so long that they seem to be like relatives? Yes, but this path is not very easy. You should never ignore the lack of sex, think that it’s healthy, and let things go. No one except you will make your sex life as vibrant as it was in the first months of falling in love.
But before we give you six easy ways to bring the sexual spark back in the relationship, let’s figure out why sex disappears.
Who is guilty?
There are a lot of reasons why your sex life died. But if we are not talking about past betrayals and the common refusal of one of the partners to make love, then the cause is most likely a lack of time and chronic fatigue.
You used to meet in neutral territory, neglect work, and forget about personal problems, but now it doesn’t work out that way. Personal issues became common, traffic jams, children, the desire to look through the news feed on a social network or just relax were added to the list. Your priorities have changed; now, you won’t say that work will wait, but love comes first.
Sex is a great way to relieve stress, breathe life into a relationship with a loved one, and tune in to career achievements as well. Problems at work often appear because a person simply lacks sex. If everything is bad in bed, then the rest also becomes so-so.
1. Your imperfections aren’t as important as you think
If you want to get the sex back, you need to love your body and its imperfections. If your physical issues bother you too much, you can simply hide them. Do you think that every celebrity looks perfect all the time? They also have flaws, but makeup and shaping undergarments can do a great job. You can choose a nightie that will hide your belly, and candlelight can make you look much more attractive. You also need to know that a lot of men are also concerned about their flaws. So relax, enjoy, and be self-confident.
2. Do not neglect your sex life because of the baby
If you gave birth recently, the vaginal tissue is sensitive, the hormones are under control, and you might not be interested in sex at all. It can take several months until a woman will be ready to have sex. And some men are depressed because all attention is given to the baby, and the woman has no time for him.
How to improve your sex life in this situation? On a safe note, it is better to start slowly and gently. Spend a weekend together at least twice a year and try to take a one-week vacation with your partner. You shouldn’t feel guilty for leaving the children, remember that it will be beneficial for them to have happy parents. Time spent together is always good for your relationship.
The so-called “sex nights” are also very helpful. Hire a nanny once or twice a month and go on a date with your partner. Go to the movie theatre or restaurant, turn off your phones and TV when you return home, and leave worries behind the bedroom door.
3. Sex is suitable for both of you
If sex becomes a routine, try to erase the negatives and understand that athletics in your bedroom has many health benefits. Studies show that sex reduces the frequency of heart attacks and burns calories. Another study discovered that frequent ejaculation reduces the risk of prostate cancer at a later age for young men. People with regular sex life have a better response to stress and lower blood pressure.
Did you know that sex can help you avoid getting sick? There is a theory that sexually active people have a stronger immune system because they are exposed to many infections than non-sexually active people. It can also boost the production of an immune substance that helps fight the flu.
4. Try something new
There are a lot of ways to rejuvenate your sexual connection. Here are three tips that will fit almost everyone.
- Long-lasting foreplay. Enjoy and prolong the morning kiss instead of a dry “good morning.” Whisper something naughty and give him a seducing glance. Improving your emotional connection will boost your level of arousal throughout the day and night.
- Touch has great power. Learn to perform a great massage (but you need to warm your hands). You can also try to experiment with some tasty massage oils, like vanilla or chocolate.
- Spend more time together. Take a relaxing bath with your partner. Hug on the couch and listen to music. Buy some sex toys and Kama Sutra for getting some new sensations.
5. Discuss if something is wrong
Women have a lot of issues “down there” that can hurt their sexual life. For example, vaginal dryness is quite common for women in perimenopause and menopause. But many of them don’t speak about it and don’t try to improve the situation. Numerous men don’t even realize that a woman can experience severe pain during sex. At the same time, many women are ashamed to tell their partners that sex is painful. You can try to use a silicone-based or water-based lubricant to improve the situation. But if you don’t feel any relief, it is better to make an appointment with your doctor and discuss this issue.
6. Check your meds
Both depression and antidepressants can significantly decrease your libido. But switching to another antidepressant can help to pump your libido again. You should also be honest with your partner. Your mental health is very important, so don’t force yourself to have sexual intercourse if you are not willing and don’t feel guilty for this. You may start with kissing in bed; see where it leads.
Even though antidepressants can affect female orgasm or male ejaculation, these problems are often not as serious as untreated depression. If you don’t treat your depression, it can take months or years before you feel the urge to have sex.
