I wonder if sexual problems are on the rise or people today are generally more open about them, especially the millennials. I can feel a considerable difference between generations when doing therapy. The millennials are so open and not only to me but to their friends & family as well. However, our young people are also struggling more today and facing more mental challenges. We don’t know why yet, even though some theories like higher divorce rate among their parents, social media, too much pressure & way too many options concerning career, to name a few.
When I have young people in therapy, I have struggled to find the balance between home, the workplace, and private life. Personal life consumes a lot of time and energy. With easy access to social media, it is easy to compare yourself to others concerning status, social life, and body image. This applies to women and men, even though it seems that women are more concerned about this. Many women find it difficult to be intimate due to their body image.
This can lead to real relationship problems where some of these women have refused to meet their boyfriend during the day. They come up with all kinds of excuses not to see their boyfriend, who, of course, cannot help to take it personally.
This is very problematic because too much focus goes to specific body areas. When it comes to intimacy, individuals can overthink, and then they are not present with their partner.
Unfortunately, there is no quick fix concerning body image problems. However, you can start by moving your attention to the body areas you are pleased with and replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.
The more you focus on the positive body areas you are happy with, the more that grows compared to those you are unhappy with. It should also be considered that the person who loves you looks at the whole you, not specific body areas.
However, it is not only body images that young people are struggling with but also sexual performance anxiety. Many young men have anxiety because they are afraid that they are not going to perform well enough.
When this anxiety creeps in, it can often affect men’s erection. This can become a vicious circle because it can be challenging to get rid of that thought if that happens once. The same applies to endurance in sex. If the endurance is very little, then that thought can also take over and nourish the problem.
What can you do if you have experienced some of these problems?
Mindfulness can help with most problems in the bedroom. Because when we overthink things, then we lose that connection to ourselves and our body. That is the opposite of Mindfulness or being in the present.
By starting to be more present in your body instead of being in your head, you will immediately feel the difference.
When you can do that, you get more connected to the present, and overthinking becomes less, and physical problems will decrease.
Just start small. Just put all your focus on the sensation, feel your body touch the bed sheet, or feel the touch of your partner. When you are present, you can’t be in the past thoughts (oh when that happened..), and you cannot be in the future thoughts (what if this happens again…).
The longer you can focus on the touch & sensation, the better you get at Mindfulness. This can be enough to break the vicious circle of overthinking and sexual performance anxiety.
Sexual problems are, in fact, widespread & if you see yourself in any of these problems, just remember you are not alone, and everything can be worked with. There is no reason to feel ashamed.
Just start a couple of minutes per day being in the present. You don’t have to sit down and meditate for an hour. A walk, where you focus on the wind in your hair or feel the sun on your skin, is a perfect way to connect to the present. Feel your feet touching the floor or the couch while you are reading this. If you can feel that, you are grounding yourself and connecting to the present.
